On Putting Yourself First

As a mother, I am a firm believer in taking care of yourself first and foremost. If you are not well, be it physically or mentally, then you are no help to anyone else, let alone your husband or child(ren).

I was very sick over the weekend. I came down with a high fever on Saturday afternoon and felt awful. It didn't get better on Sunday, so I went to the clinic inside Walmart to see what was wrong. Come to find out, I had an ear infection. I was surprised; I couldn't tell you the last time I'd had an ear infection. I think I was probably around 2 or 3 years old. At the clinic they loaded me up with medication and sent me home with instructions to feel better. And that was what I intended to do.

So, I spent the remainder of Mother's Day resting and trying to get over this infection. However, come Monday, I was no better and had to miss work. My lovely mother came in the morning and got Sophie and took her to the sitter's so I could rest. And rest I did. I think I slept more that day than I was actually awake. But the combination of lots of rest and meds did the trick, and I was feeling better and able to return to work on Tuesday.

During those 2 1/2 days that I was sick, I did nothing but focus on myself and getting well. I didn't feed Sophie, play with her, or give her a bath like I normally do. I left Chase in charge of all those things, and knew he'd be more than capable of handling it. Because, luckily for me, I have an amazing husband who is an active and present parent. We co-parent Sophie; everything is 50/50. I can honestly say, neither one of us does more than the other. So I knew when I needed him, he would be willing and able to step up and take over my half, while I recovered.

However, the point of this post is not that I was sick and my husband helped out. The point is, I felt no guilt (or very little) for putting it all on him for those few days, so that I could focus on getting myself well. This brings me to the larger point I'm trying to get at: Mothers need to stop putting themselves, and especially their health, on the back burner. The most important thing a mother can do for her family is take care of herself. Trust me, your family loves you, and wants you to be healthy. So if you are one of those moms who is too busy to go to the doctor when you're sick, runs herself ragged, only focuses on her husband and child's wellbeing and not her own, then I ask you to stop right now, and put yourself first!

I read some inspiring words from another blogger today on this same subject. She is a cancer survivor and a soon to be mother of three. Here is some of her advice on motherhood and putting your health first, that I'd like to share. As a mother who faced a life threatening illness, and won, I find her beyond inspiring.

"As mothers, we owe it to our children to do whatever we can to be here for them as long as possible. Taking care of ourselves is the best gift we can give our families. You know how I feel about the importance of maintaining mom mental health (date nights, kid-free time with friends, wine) and the same goes for our physical wellbeing. We need to go to the doctor, to get regular checkups, to follow up on any weird hunches, to get rest, eat well, exercise and, if we can, take whatever measures possible to cut our cancer risks. Because I can tell you, being a mom and having cancer is not a good combination."- Erin Zammett Ruddy

She wrote this blog post in reaction to the recent news that Angelina Jolie underwent a preventative double mastectomy after finding out that she had an 87% chance of developing breast cancer at some point in her life. Angelina went public with this news by writing about it in an op ed piece for The New York Times. Regardless of your opinions on Angelina, it was a remarkable thing for her to do this surgery for her family's sake, and to share it so openly with the public, in an effort to spread awareness to other women across the world. If you have not read her article, I highly suggest you do. Here's a link to it: http://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/14/opinion/my-medical-choice.html?src=me&ref=general&_r=0

I hope this post gives you moms who aren't taking care of yourselves, the kick in the pants you need to start putting your health first. :-)

Who Knew Playtime Would be So Challenging?

I always assumed that, once Sophie reached a certain age, she'd start playing by herself. I envisioned her sitting quietly on her own, playing happily with one of her gazillion toys, while I got to do my own thing. However, this has not been the case for us (so far at least). And after 16 months of being her main source of entertainment 24/7, this momma is ready for a break!

Instead of playing contently on her own, Sophie demands constant interaction from both me and Chase. She might play by herself for a few minutes, but then she's right back to being stuck to our sides. I love that she wants to interact with us, but it makes it nearly impossible to accomplish anything, like say cook dinner, when she's constantly pulling on my leg for me to pick her up, or throwing a fit because I'm not stopping what I'm doing to entertain her.

Don't get me wrong, I love playing with Sophie, but sometimes there are other things that I need to do, or I just want a few minutes to sit and watch a little TV or read a book. Those are the moments I wish she could play independently, even just for a little while.

This gets worse on rainy days, which we've been having a lot of lately. On rainy days I can't take her outside and let her run around, or do chalk with her in the driveway, or take her for a walk. No, on rainy days we are stuck in the house and she is looking to me to fill the long, boring hours of the day. I don't know why we even bothered to buy her so many toys for her birthday and Christmas; the kid has a playroom full of toys she hardly plays with. There are maybe a handful that she likes to play with for say five minutes, then she's done, and looking at me or Chase to entertain her.

Now, just so you don't think we're terrible parents, we have done lots of fun things with Sophie. Recently, we've went to the park, taken her on her first trip to the zoo, and attended her first spring carnival. We love to get her out of the house as much as possible, and do fun things with her, which is much easier to do when the weather cooperates.

However, for the days we can't get out of the house and mommy and daddy need to get a few things done, or just want to relax, I wish she could, you know-- just play! Can anyone else relate to this? Do you have any ideas for how to get her to play by herself for a little while? I should mention, Sophie does not watch TV. Not because we don't allow it, but because she just doesn't want to, which I think is a good thing, but that puts us at a disadvantage because we can never turn to the TV like so many other parents do when they need a break for a few minutes.

I don't know, maybe I'm asking too much of a 16 month old? All I know is I would like to have 10-15 minutes to do laundry, cook dinner, talk to my husband without being interrupted, zone out, etc., without a toddler pulling on my shirt or throwing a fit because I'm not giving her my undivided attention.

I recently read a really good blog post on this very subject, but it was referring to this problem in older children. Here's the link to it if you'd like to check it out: http://www.parenting.com/blogs/true-mom-confessions/sasha-emmons/play-alone Sometimes I worry if I don't start teaching Sophie how to entertain herself now, she won't be able to do it when she's older either. I really want to break the habit now, before it becomes a real problem.